FRIENDS

Remember when it was easy to make friends?

The world and our lives have changed, and that pandemic really threw us for a loop, didn’t it? And now there’s a rise in loneliness that’s unprecedented, worldwide.

For me, one of the hardest things about leaving one continent for another was leaving friends behind. And so I’ve become very good at sustaining a handful of dear friendships across time and space. That small circle of lovely souls supports me in ways I’d never imagined possible, truly. It’s amazing how close you can become to someone you’ve never met.

So I’m creating what I hope will be a balm for the feeling of separation for you, too. It’s a modern day take on pen pals (remember them?) called “friends afar” - a container for developing companionship and compassion through getting to know those from other cultures.

Message me if you’d like to know more, with your email address, and I’ll make sure you’re the first to hear all about it. I can’t wait to see this out in the world.

____________________

You can find my video chats on this and other things on my YouTube channel or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating.

Following, subscribing and liking helps me bring you more content, thanks.

ALLOWING

Something occurred to me the other day and I want to share it with you, this question that popped up. 

Here it is.  

What if we don’t have what we need because we haven’t allowed ourselves to receive it? 

I’m guessing we can pray, cocreate and do ALL the manifestation practices in the world but if we don’t allow ourselves to receive, then how is any of that going to work?  I know I’m not the only one in this world who is so far better at giving than receiving so this is one of those downloads that sort of bopped me right in the middle of my forehead. 

Do we choose the biggest brownie in the pan or leave it for someone else and take the scrap pieces? Do we eat the good leftovers in the fridge or leave those for someone else, only to have them rot on the shelf? Just a couple examples from my field research – if you think about it, many of us do this automatically without question. These may seem like small things but if we can’t receive those than how is the universe going to bring us the bigger ones, right? 

So why not try it? Why not see if the embroidered tablecloth we love looks good on the front hall table rather than tuck it away? And why not use those lovely gifts rather than put them safely in a drawer for someday, deeming them too good for every day, only to be found after we die by our kids who would never use them? Why live like a miser, denying ourselves even the little pleasures in life so we have money to leave to those left behind? Can we not trust them to provide for their own needs and wants?

If this doesn’t speak to you, if you are able and willing to openly take in all the good that comes your way, then bless you and by all means, carry on.  You are a shining example for us all, a much needed one.  But if it sparks some wondering in you, let me know.  I’ll be doing all I can to welcome all that’s for me in this world, and I’d love to do it with you. 

__________________________________

You can find my video chats on this and other things on my YouTube channel or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating.

Following, subscribing and liking helps me bring you more content, thanks.

ANCESTORS

The very word “ancestors” can conjure up so much for so many of us. And what comes up will vary, depending on what you learned along the road of your life. For many of us, the very idea is made completely taboo, which can be very limiting when you think about it, can’t it?  And yet, ancestral practice has been a huge part of the human experience for millennia. 

Our life experiences have a great deal to do with the stories we were taught – stories about ourselves and about the world, too. I know that growing up in the northeastern part of the United States, we were told that ancestors were either a) those whose graves you visited at the cemetery or b) some sort of voodoo worship done primarily in deepest darkest Africa.  This was a bit of an issue for me as I had quite the relationship going with those I called “The Old People”, even at a very young age.  I thought that everyone had old people at their disposal and was shocked when I mentioned them one day, when I was maybe eight years old, and was told that “The Old People” didn’t exist, that I should never talk about them again and was rather severely beaten for questioning why.  Perhaps The Old People had come to me because my parents weren’t really equipped to be parenting, but it was made clear to me that I must abandon them, post haste.  And read my bible every day for a month, to boot. 

I did that and would read it from front to back a few more times before I finally gave up trying to reconcile my home life with the values the Bible taught. And then I moved on, meeting The Old People in my dreams and feeling a great deal of shame and guilt about it as I did.  In time, I focused on what I was taught at church and then on experimenting with other ways to sooth myself. In early adulthood, I tried the psychological approach, of course, but that led to mismedication, mistreatment of PTSD and finally a suicide attempt.   The Old People returned, luckily, while I was in hospital recovering from that particular adventure and this time, I welcomed them without question. I did my research on ancestral practices throughout the world and throughout time and realized what a fundamental loss most Western cultures had sustained in giving up what is really a base human need.  A support system, a belonging, a gift. 

Decades later, I’m fortunate enough to live in a culture here in South Africa which has never fully lost its connection to its ancestral roots. Like many parts of the world, colonizers here demanded that the indigenous people take Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior or lose their livelihoods or even their lives. Which would have been quite enough, I think but no – they were taught that their traditional practices were evil and would lead them straight to hell, that they must cease their ceremonies, their phahla, or prayer, their very ways of being in the world.   As happened all around the world, many of them never returned to the old ways and as often also happens, life has never been quite right.

I feel that it’s time, maybe past time, to restore this element of life to humanity.  A lot of the work I do with clients centers around connecting with their literal ancestors through mediumship and on tools which allow finding their own path to developing a relationship with spiritual guides as well. Obviously appropriating ceremony and ritual from other cultures isn’t ideal for most yet there are unlimited ways to create this kind of connection in a way that speaks to each individual.

Imagine how the world would change if we all knew we belonged, that we had a beloved safety net with us through all of life’s twists and turns, from the time we were tiny.  If we knew that we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us.

If you’re interested in hearing more about this subject and the new self-led program I’m developing around ancestors or in booking a virtual session, just drop me an email via this link. You’ll find me chatting about it, too, on YouTube or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating in the days to come. I look forward to exploring this with you. 

IMPOSTER

Sometimes, it’s really hard to let ourselves have what we want.

Especially the things we really want. 

Ntando Sibiya and I are talking about Imposter Syndrome this coming week on the Here’s Where We Begin podcast – we will be sharing that on our YouTube channel soon.  And in that conversation, this keeps coming up.

 I see a video or maybe read an article that really hits home. It feels as though the writer is speaking directly to me, there’s a zing of energy that runs through my body and it feels good. But then in an instant, I start to dismiss it.  Not because the words don’t speak to me but because something like this just can’t be for me.  Maybe I feel that the prediction of coming wealth must be for someone else because I’m fine, really. Someone else must need this more than me. Or maybe, despite wanting to find the perfect job for month now, surely there are better qualified people. Or a well-used one – Maybe when the kids are all grown, I can have that. 

Sound familiar? We all do it, all too often. Here’s my question for you:

Why not you?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to believe in, have, or accept the good stuff? Why can’t we open our arms wide, break out in a huge smile and say thank you very much. This is for me!

Imposter syndrome has so much to do with this (and so does its friend, the upper limit problem, more on that another time). While not technically a mental illness, it sure can be debilitating and even be misdiagnosed as anxiety or depression. 

We pick up messaging along the way, telling us we aren’t good at art, for example, and never draw again. Or as I was, we are told we can’t be a doctor because girls aren’t doctors. Or that the colour of your skin and living in a “third world country” means you cannot be successful by Western standards. We internalize those messages and we grow in a way that makes them part of who we are, or seem to be. 

Imposter syndrome grows in this way, and in several others – largely within our family, culture and environment. In the soil we grow in, so to speak. And Clare Josa, in her book “Ditching Imposter Syndrome” talks about the resulting behaviours as the “Four P’s” – perfectionism, paralysis, people-pleasing and procrastination. All of this serves one purpose, overall, and that’s to keep us controlled. Small, manageable and safe. While it may be meant well, imposter syndrome stands between an okay life and one lived fully and well for many of us.

So what do we do about it? We’ll be talking about that, of course, on both the video and live podcast, but here are a few things to consider.  

-       Get to know yourself. Take some time to make lists of your strong points and your weaknesses, and learn to embrace both. None of us is perfect and a little self compassion goes a long way.

-       Do a future self meditation of whatever sort speaks to you. Sink into the possibilities of the person you could be in ten or twenty years and start to act like that person would.  The thinking that way part will follow.

-       Labels are great hiding spots. Try to see yourself as the extraordinarily unique soul that you are, vs. your labels. Or create new labels for yourself that feel more right to you.

-       Allow your lens to widen.  Be still and imagine ALL the possibilities for yourself, vs. just the options your high school counsellor gave you years ago.

-       Trust.  Be on your own side, talk to yourself kindly, positively and in a wildly hopeful way. Find a few good companions who will do the same.  Sooner or later, you’ll come to see that life is happening for you, not just to you. 

-       Find some affirmations that speak to you and say them to yourself. In the mirror. Daily. (yes, it feels silly but trust me, it changes things fast!)

-       Celebrate any and all successes, all the wins.  From the tiniest thing – making your bed in the morning – to getting the job, the ticket, the date.  It’s all good to add to your internal bank of Why I Am Worthy. 

Imagine how the world would change if we each let go of the imposter within.  Imagine how much hurt would be healed and how much light would shine. Imagine if, rather than setting limits on ourselves and each other, we all cheered each other on? If we allowed ourselves to fully embrace who we are, rather than try to be who we were told to be?

I’d like to live in that world, wouldn’t you?

____________________

You can find my video chats on this and other things on my YouTube channel or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating.

Following, subscribing and liking helps me bring you more content, thanks.

FEAR

We don’t generally like to talk about fear, do we? So of course I am going to – because it is an essential part of being human, because it paralyses so many of us, because I’ve found better ways to live with it, over time and that’s made room for more joy, more peace and a much better life.

I grew up in a house full of fear – of big things going on in the world, of small things but mostly as being seen as less than or not worthy. And that, as it would for anyone, shaped me in many ways. It led to wearing masks and pretending to be the person who I was taught would be accepted and loved – except there is no such person, is there? Life will bring rejection, acceptance, love, hate and everything in between to all of us. So why do we let fear control us?

Asking myself that question saved my life, quite literally.

I wonder how many of us really know what exactly we are afraid of – do you? Maybe we don’t really need to know – maybe it’s just about seeing fear for what it is. It often is just trying to protect us, but in that process, it keeps us small, ordinary and contained. Fear has been used to control the masses for millenia, and the media has proudly continued to do that in many ways.

When deep in the process of healing from years and years of trauma, I started to imagine fear as a little old man named Howard. Howard is likely in his 80s or 90s, wears a patched plaid wool suit jacket and unmatched trousers which are too big for him now that he’s begun to shrink with age. He stuffs Kleenex and old notes in his pockets and holds on tightly to his scuffed up wooden cane, the brass rings around it tarnished with age, much like his hands. His voice shakes, though he can still be very loud and sharp and he likes very much to wag his finger in my face as he doom forecasts constantly for me and for our world. He tends to turn up the volume and stamp his feet when he thinks I’m not listening or worse, ignoring his advice.

Howard prefers to sit in my lap, and often ends up with his hands around my throat, making it hard to even breath.

So after many chats with him, assuring him that I do understand his concerns, that he is making himself heard and that I know he wants to protect me, Howard and I came to an agreement, years ago, that he could sit next to me on what appears to be an old NYC park bench, rather than so close that I feel suffocated. That felt much better straightaway, of course, and over time, Howard has morphed into a teddy bear, one with embroidery that tells stories. One who I can call friend, and one I can love in return. His voice in my head is much calmer now, and it’s easier to heed his warnings. Much better.

(And no, Howard was not initially a fan of me moving to “deepest darkest Africa”, as he likes to call it. That was a huge compromise, and one he has settled into.)

Fear, perhaps more than anything else, gets in the way of us living our lives as we want to. And it’s not going anywhere. So why not find a way to live with it? Why not see that it’s trying to protect you, just as an old man like Howard would? And why not befriend it? Imagine how our lives would change, how the world would change.

Just imagine.

____________________

You can find my video chats on this and other things on my YouTube channel or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating.

Following, subscribing and liking helps me bring you more content, thanks.

LOST

Here’s what’s on my mind this week – feeling lost. A basic human condition, of course, yet it seems really intense right now.  I don’t know whether it’s still a side effect of Covid, the state of the world or the way the planets are aligned – maybe all three – but I am hearing over and over just how lonely people are feeling these days.  So here are my thoughts on the matter, having spent plenty of time in the Land of the Lost myself.

It's okay.  It’s part of the deal of being human.  And I often find that it is a sign that things are about to shift or change in some big way.

That said, it’s really uncomfortable. I call it the Muddy Middle.  We are pack animals, we humans, and we like to Have A Plan, don’t we? But what if we start to look at it as part of the game, and stop struggling with it so much? I’ve found that if I let myself be lost, if I can get still and spend time in quiet, often time will bring the answers I need to move forward – without all the thrashing and agonizing we seem to think is part of the lost package.

I am a huge fan of meditating, always, and in any form. Sometimes navel gazing is exactly what’s needed and others, well, walking meditation may be more what is required – any way that you can be with yourself without distraction will do. Ask for the support of those who form a safety net for you, whether it be prayer, phahla, ancestors or guides, religious or contemplative practices. 

And while you are there in that muddy middle being quiet, maybe ask your body what it needs, too. In many native traditions, a shaman or sangoma will ask someone who is unwell when they stopped dancing. Or singing or creating.  If you let it, often your body will show you what it needs – and that movement will lead you forward in ways you might not have imagined. 

For me and many I know, getting lost in nature will often let me find myself again.  A hike to a waterfall, a stroll along the beach or time in a favourite clearing in the woods is obviously a great way to do this, yet the world today doesn’t allow all of us to access nature easily, does it? Maybe find a tree and watch it in the breeze, how it bends but does not break, or study the intricate patterns of a leaf or a flower and remember that you are also that beautifully made.  Even a stray dandelion forcing its way through a crack in the city pavement can be inspiring – a great metaphor for finding our way. 

If all else fails, listening to nature sounds through an app on your phone can bring you home - I’m a great fan of Insight Timer myself. Soak in a tub with some salt.  Gaze at the flame of a candle. Do some deep breathing.  The elements of water, fire, air and earth are so comforting to us as human organisms. And if you’re going to be lost, you might as well be comfortable.

             ___________________

If you’d like to listen to me chat about this topic and others, you can find my videos on YouTube or on Tiktok @christacreating. 

WELCOME

While it is still winter here in the Southern Hemisphere, something in me feels as though it’s spring.  Maybe part of it is my brain seeing our winter plantings of violets, pansies and red kale on my frequent trips to the nursery as I build my new meditation garden, but more likely it’s a more internal sort of spring.

You see, eighteen months ago, I nearly died.  After three weeks in the ICU, I came home to convalesce with no certainty of a full recovery.  Cared for by my daughters along with an incredible team of healers, I have recovered nothing short of miraculously from being poisoned in a way we are told hardly anyone survives. So, while there is much rehab still to do, there is even more to celebrate.

I recently turned 63 - a number I once considered elderly of course – and yet now see as a gateway to my third act.  I believe I have decades ahead of me to fill with joy, light, love and creativity (and far less drama!) so it seems as good a time as any to dust off my blogging, open up my website further and share my days with you as they come.

I’m delighted to be here, and to be in your company, exploring what it means to be human, to live out loud, to become ourselves as fully as possible.  Welcome back.