IMPOSTER

Sometimes, it’s really hard to let ourselves have what we want.

Especially the things we really want. 

Ntando Sibiya and I are talking about Imposter Syndrome this coming week on the Here’s Where We Begin podcast – we will be sharing that on our YouTube channel soon.  And in that conversation, this keeps coming up.

 I see a video or maybe read an article that really hits home. It feels as though the writer is speaking directly to me, there’s a zing of energy that runs through my body and it feels good. But then in an instant, I start to dismiss it.  Not because the words don’t speak to me but because something like this just can’t be for me.  Maybe I feel that the prediction of coming wealth must be for someone else because I’m fine, really. Someone else must need this more than me. Or maybe, despite wanting to find the perfect job for month now, surely there are better qualified people. Or a well-used one – Maybe when the kids are all grown, I can have that. 

Sound familiar? We all do it, all too often. Here’s my question for you:

Why not you?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to believe in, have, or accept the good stuff? Why can’t we open our arms wide, break out in a huge smile and say thank you very much. This is for me!

Imposter syndrome has so much to do with this (and so does its friend, the upper limit problem, more on that another time). While not technically a mental illness, it sure can be debilitating and even be misdiagnosed as anxiety or depression. 

We pick up messaging along the way, telling us we aren’t good at art, for example, and never draw again. Or as I was, we are told we can’t be a doctor because girls aren’t doctors. Or that the colour of your skin and living in a “third world country” means you cannot be successful by Western standards. We internalize those messages and we grow in a way that makes them part of who we are, or seem to be. 

Imposter syndrome grows in this way, and in several others – largely within our family, culture and environment. In the soil we grow in, so to speak. And Clare Josa, in her book “Ditching Imposter Syndrome” talks about the resulting behaviours as the “Four P’s” – perfectionism, paralysis, people-pleasing and procrastination. All of this serves one purpose, overall, and that’s to keep us controlled. Small, manageable and safe. While it may be meant well, imposter syndrome stands between an okay life and one lived fully and well for many of us.

So what do we do about it? We’ll be talking about that, of course, on both the video and live podcast, but here are a few things to consider.  

-       Get to know yourself. Take some time to make lists of your strong points and your weaknesses, and learn to embrace both. None of us is perfect and a little self compassion goes a long way.

-       Do a future self meditation of whatever sort speaks to you. Sink into the possibilities of the person you could be in ten or twenty years and start to act like that person would.  The thinking that way part will follow.

-       Labels are great hiding spots. Try to see yourself as the extraordinarily unique soul that you are, vs. your labels. Or create new labels for yourself that feel more right to you.

-       Allow your lens to widen.  Be still and imagine ALL the possibilities for yourself, vs. just the options your high school counsellor gave you years ago.

-       Trust.  Be on your own side, talk to yourself kindly, positively and in a wildly hopeful way. Find a few good companions who will do the same.  Sooner or later, you’ll come to see that life is happening for you, not just to you. 

-       Find some affirmations that speak to you and say them to yourself. In the mirror. Daily. (yes, it feels silly but trust me, it changes things fast!)

-       Celebrate any and all successes, all the wins.  From the tiniest thing – making your bed in the morning – to getting the job, the ticket, the date.  It’s all good to add to your internal bank of Why I Am Worthy. 

Imagine how the world would change if we each let go of the imposter within.  Imagine how much hurt would be healed and how much light would shine. Imagine if, rather than setting limits on ourselves and each other, we all cheered each other on? If we allowed ourselves to fully embrace who we are, rather than try to be who we were told to be?

I’d like to live in that world, wouldn’t you?

____________________

You can find my video chats on this and other things on my YouTube channel or on Tiktok and IG - @christacreating.

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